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Yup, it's gotta be that way.
You know the drill.

I went over the 400 calories yesterday but still didn't do too bad at 545 in total.

I did some exercise: crunches, lunges, up & down my stairs 20 times, light weights for my arms, and some various stretches and stuff.

I didn't do the cardio that I wanted to because the plan was to go for a run outside while the kids were sleeping but it was windy and rainy and gross outside. :( Maybe tonight it'll be nicer.

I also did: vaccuuming, sweeping, cooking dinner, doing dishes, putting away laundry, up & down the stairs another random 20 times, and getting the kids to bed. That's all gotta count for something, right?

So when I started this competition between my boyfriend and I, I had shot back up to 155.5 and this morning I was at 152.5 YAY!

3 lbs down already?!

We'll see.. I put my clothes on and was right back where I started at 155.5 so I'm not sure if the clothes just weigh that much or having a shower made me fatter...

I gotta stop weighing myself 5X a day.

So far today up until 4:30 will be around 200 calories for: a cheese stick (60), soup (100), and a couple of coffees with milk and sweetener (40).

Ooh one more thing.. does anyone have any tips on like.. things I can do (movement wise) in an office? Like.. sitting at a desk, that doesn't make me look too weird - to keep the calories burning?

I can exercise at home but now I generally sit at a desk to do my work. I hate it. I want to be able to do something at work too, to keep my body burning cals but I can't really start running laps from one end of the office to the other, and I don't want to look like an idiot doing crunches on the floor beside my desk. Plus, I have to be available to answer the phone. Was thinking at the very least I could take my half hour lunch for a power walk or something like that...

Alright, I did the fasting yesterday with a minor chinese food mishap.
Also exercised.

Back down to 147. Whew.
Got waaaay too close to the 150 mark.

So I'm gonna keep going.
I'm hungry this morning but I'm drinking diet iced tea. Then I'm going back to sleep for a bit - then a major housecleaning and exercising.

I have a job interview today. :)

So far, I've had 2 diet iced teas - 0 cals each.
Too much sodium though, which will help me gain water weight.

Doing some of my exercises in a few minutes.

Today's going to be a liquid fast... with maybe some chicken broth to give me energy so I can keep up with my kids.

Edit: I just checked my weight and I'm now up to 149!!! Ugh! :(

Stupid depo shot / laziness / bad bad eating.

I'm done with gaining weight, this is dumb!

My will-power is *really* sucking...

I've lost 0.5 lbs.
In ... quite a few days.


I keep saying tomorrow, tomorrow, tomorrow, I'll re-start, I'll try again...
But the truth is that right then, when I'm saying "tomorrow" - that's when I'm so absolutely disgusted with myself that I'm geared up to start, can't wait till the next day.

Starting again just gives me too many hours and too many opportunities to get that one last fuck-up in before I'm determined, before I try again.

The next day arrives and while I remember what I want, I'm just too... something... to follow through.

So right now, and always, and 2 seconds after I fuck up... always.. is when I CONTINUE. Not start, not begin, not try... CONTINUE.

So yeah. I have to get it back. The thing that allowed me to fast and count calories like a nazi and take pleasure in hunger and pride in lbs lost.

That's all for now.

Did everyone disappear?

Oh yeah.. one more thing.. can those little tiny baby carrots *really* contain 4 calories each!? Geez...
Time to rethink this..

I really like cucumbers, maybe I'll go for those instead.

Success! I lost 3.5 lbs last week. This week I hope to lose the same amount and be 1 lbs less than I was before the holidays started. I hope the post-holiday festivities with my friends didn't sabotage this. I would have lost SO much more had I not had a night-binge problem all last week. This week I vow to be stronger. So far today: 65 calories from a cup of coffee w/ sugar twin, whitener and a tablespoon of hot chocolate mix to beat the monday morning blues.

Well I still didn't so shit-hot today. 992 calories. I was doing SO well too! Up until I got home. What is with this need to binge my face off when I get home? URgh it's so frustrating .. It's like I want to stop.. need to stop for my sanity and I am hearing these words in my head but I just keep on. WTF?

I guess it's still better from yesterday though.

We'll see how tomorrow goes.

I blame the cheesecake and breadsticks that were in the fridge tonight. Had there actually been healthier alternatives in the fridge (low on food) tonight might not have been such a train wreck.

Bailed on the quitting smoking thing. Too worried it's gonna make me gain weight. I'll just wait until I'm closer to my goal weight.

Not gonna weigh myself till Saturday. If I manage to lose a good amount of weight, I'll compensate for it, thinking I can afford to. I do it without thinking. So if I don't know my progress, I'm less likely to sabotage myself.

When I binge, I really binge. I was good all day, not having more than 534 calories, to be exact.

Got home from the 2nd job and that went right out the window. I managed to pack on another 1078 calories in about 15 minutes. Ohhh yuck. Total was 1612 *gasp*. But that doesn't surprise me much. I manage to fuck up hardcore the first day back on the wagon. Today will be better.

Today is also the first day without cigarettes. Not doing too bad if I might say so myself. Only maybe 3 major cravings so far and I managed to just keep busy through them. I hope *hope* HOPE this doesn't make me gain weight. If it does I'll have to find a way to afford smokes.

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